Mother offended people think biracial son is adopted

DEAR HARRIETTE: People often assume that my biracial son is adopted. I am white, and my son looks exactly like his father. Of course I feel offended — I carried my child for nine months and can't even get proper credit for it. Should I correct people every single time? Why would people even make such bold assumptions in this day and age? — Offended Mommy

DEAR OFFENDED MOMMY: We live in a culture where people have become more and more strident and invasive with their thoughts and comments.

Social media has pushed many people over the edge in terms of feeling empowered to say disrespectful things to others, and that has spilled out into everyday communication. I am sorry that you are experiencing this as you go about your life with your son.

I want to say that for the most part, you should ignore people's comments. Random people you encounter in the course of a day who make false assumptions do not deserve your time or attention. Learning not to react at all to those people will be beneficial to you and your son in the long run.

If you are engaged in conversation with someone who asks you about your son or who states an assumption about his parentage, you can decide whether you want to educate the person. Instead of being defensive, you can say, "This is my son, and I gave birth to him." You can add, "Lucky him, he looks just like his dad" or something like that. Keep it upbeat. It is important for your son to witness a positive attitude in the face of these comments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started dating someone new, and everything is going great. Next week will be our third official date, but we text each other fairly often, so it feels like I know him very well. My question is: When would be the best time to tell him that I may never want kids? I know that revelation could potentially ruin things, but I'm sure it would be better to get it out of the way in the early stages. Should I tell him as soon as possible? Or should I wait until we define the relationship? — Don't Want Kids

DEAR DON'T WANT KIDS:

Do you have a clear vision of what you want for your life? That includes what work you want to do, where you want to live and what community and family means to you. Do you have a reason why you don't think you want to have children? Think through your ideas for your future so that you can talk about them as you get to know this man.

Let your thoughts about having children come naturally as you talk. Be prepared to tell him why you have come to this decision and whether it is negotiable. I will tell you: I did not intend to have children, and I told my husband as much when we were dating. Although he was disappointed, we still got married. Ten years into our marriage, I ended up getting pregnant and having a child. For me, I am so glad that I was wrong. I know plenty of people who never have children and are perfectly content. I thought I was, too. My point: If you can, remain flexible and avoid drawing definitive lines in the sand. Time often reveals new insights.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.